Do you have a go to ride or die friend? Do you have multiple friends, but aren’t close with any of them? Do you feel like your friends are going to have your back no matter what?
In this rollercoaster of life, friendships are one of the things that can get us through some our worst and best times. Friendships are one of the most important relationships we can have in our lives. But here is what is important to remember, not everyone that is your friend to your face, is also your friend behind your back. Choose your friends wisely and be careful who you let in.
If someone cannot have your back when you are not there to defend yourself, they are not a true friend. A true friend will support you through thick and thin, no matter what is happening in your life. Friends support each other, root each other on, help each other, and give advice the other doesn’t want to hear at times.
My best friend and I have been friends for twenty-two years. Let me tell you we have supported each other through some serious shit in our lives. We have rarely lived in the same area but know that we will always have each other’s backs no matter what. We never have a problem picking right back up where we left off when we do get together. This is the kind of friendship everyone deserves in their life. Having, as they say in Grey’s Anatomy, “My Person”, is so important for your mental and emotional health.
Something new happened to me in the last week that shocked me. I have always had the experience of having fake friends, apart from a few of course. What I mean by this is people that are your friend when they are talking to you, but are not there when you truly need them, or are only there for the fun times. I had a person reach out to me that I only just considered an acquaintance. In this conversation I found out that there were some things being said about me, to people I barely know or even don’t know at all. This person reached out to me as they know who I am as a person and knew these things being said were false and they were concerned for me. I was in total shock. This individual is now supporting me through some stuff I am dealing with, in ways that no other person could. This person that I only consider and acquaintance, had my back behind my back. Now this person is someone I would consider a friend. Anyone that supports you when you are not around is the kind of person you want in your life.
Just remember that people are placed in our lives on purpose. Nothing happens by chance. It is all part of a plan. There is a saying “people come into your life for a reason, a season, a lesson or a lifetime”. This is so true. Take your bad experiences with individuals as a lesson, and remember they were only present for a season and now that season is over.
I have three close friends. These are the three people that I call with my good news and my bad. They are the ones that I have the most fun with and have helped me through the worst times. I choose to keep my circle small on purpose. I could confide in more of my acquaintances and try to build those relationships, but I choose not to. It is peaceful and secure to know that these three ladies are “my people”, and I am theirs. When you find these people do not take them for granted and support them as much as they support you.
One of these ladies I met when I first moved away from my hometown to North Dakota. This woman has such a special place in my heart. We can go weeks without seeing each other, but still talk through out this time. We are each other’s go to look out in relationship matters. I know without a doubt, if I am in crisis this woman is going to answer the phone and tell me to get my shit together. I am strong enough to get through this. As I would do the same for her.
On the other hand, make sure that if someone shows you they do not have your back once do not trust that person again. Don’t get me wrong people do change, but not everyone. If someone shows you that they cannot be trusted, please believe this the first time they show you this and do not give another chance. Having the respect for yourself to no allow yourself is far more important that keeping a fake friend around for a few fun times together. Another quote I absolutely love “You are the CEO of your life. Hire, fire, and promote accordingly.” This is your life you get to decide to get to be a part of it with you and who doesn’t. You owe nobody but yourself the respect to keep your own peace and happiness.
In addition to this, please respect other people. There may be someone that comes into your life that you really enjoy being around and want to continue a friendship with. But remember they are the CEO of their lives as well. If they choose, they do not want you to be a part of their life. Let them be. Respect their decision is the best decision for themselves and let them leave your life if they want to. Trying to force them to stay in your life when they have made it clear that is not what they want, will only make things worse. If you want to be respected, you must respect the other party involved as well.
Put yourself in other shoes before you judge them. Think about if you asked someone to not be a part of your life anymore and repeatedly kept trying to contact you. How would this make you feel? Do you want to be contacted by someone that you have repeatedly told not to contact you? Would this bring you peace? Same goes for, if you expect a certain person to be there for you when you need them, you better be reciprocating that for them.
Friendships take a lot of understanding, forgiveness, love, respect, and trust. The same can be said for romantic relationships. If have respect for yourself and the people that are in your life. Then they reciprocate, that is a long-lasting friendship/relationship.
I have had more and more you reaching out to me lately to talk through things that are going on in your lives. I am always here to support you and chat. Never feel like a bother, I am here to support in overcoming whatever is happening in your life, and help you become the best version of you. This road from Hotmess to Goddess can be a curvy and bumpy one, but it is worth the journey. Hugs to you all. Stay strong, respect yourself and love yourself unconditionally. None of us are perfect, do not expect perfection from yourself.
