Ladies listen up!  Being a woman is hard.  We are expected to be beautiful, caring, giving, care for the kids, take care of the house, pay bills, work full time, run the household errands, be the taxi driver and all else that comes to us during the day.  Never let anyone in your life that doesn’t give you credit for being the Goddess you are.

I know that there are a lot of women out there that are scared to be alone or feel like they have to have a man in their lives to feel complete.  Please for the sake of your own sanity find a way to get out of this mindset.  While none of us want to be alone, we all seek a happily ever after, do not force it.  Be comfortable being alone.  Embrace your single life and live it to the fullest. 

I recently met a girl that was absolutely terrified to be alone.  She had been seeing a guy for a few months that got caught using her, leading her on, and sleeping with multiple other women.  He was doing all of this while she was being told they were exclusive, had gone on vacation together with his mother, and had another vacation planned.  My heart just breaks for her.  She was so hurt and confused.  What he did to her made her feel like she was not good enough.  Yet, she was not angry with him, nor did she think she was going to be able to leave him completely.  I had told her the same thing I write in here all the time-Focus on you, Love yourself, Respect yourself, Find comfort in being alone, Don’t settle.  Her response was she just didn’t want to be alone.

I am finding that this is so typical, and yes, I have been guilty of this in the past too.  So desperate not to be alone that you are willing to settle for being treated poorly in order to fill that void.  Ladies, we all deserve better than this.  We deserve someone that matches our effort and energy.  The energy that is wasted putting into a man like this is just not worth it.  Think about if you used the energy you are putting into this man and put it into yourself instead.  Think about how much better you would feel about yourself and how much more powerful you would feel in making good decisions for yourself.

Most of the time when we settle in order to avoid being alone, we wind up alone anyway.  What I mean by this is just because someone is physically present does not mean they are emotionally or mentally present for us.  I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but, if you are with someone that is not giving you 100% you are alone anyway.  Except instead of being alone in peace, you are alone trying to seek someone else’s attention and validation.  This only creates more stress for you, and less self-love and care.

I have lost myself in relationships before.  Given up friends, my interests, even treated my kids differently, to please the person I was with.  I have given way more than I received.  Those days are over for me.  I have reached the point of full Goddess mode when it comes to relationships.  I would rather be alone, than settle for someone giving minimum effort.  So how do we get to the point of not settling?

For me I have focused my life on my kids, myself, my work, my friends, and my family.  I am so much more at peace with my life than I ever have been.  I don’t have someone in my life trying to control my relationships, work life, me, or my kids.  I don’t have to worry about trying to make some else feel better about themselves through my validation to them. 

The thing is I know I am a good person with good intentions.  This is part of the reason I have been used, taken advantage of, and hurt so many times.  But I now see it clearly and will not continue to let it happen.  I recently had two of my friends on separate occasions, in separate conversations tell me I am a “the most wonderful human”.  Let me tell you they are not talking about physical beauty here; they are talking about soul.  If someone wants to come into my life, I will help them in any way I can, be there on their darkest days, and be the life of the party on their best days.  However, I am selective about who gets to experience this.

At one point I was feeling down and wondering how I keep letting all of these bad people into my life.  Why me?  Why do I not deserve to be loved and cared for the way I need?  Well of course I had some sense talked into me. This person flat looked at me and asked, “Are you choosing the people that you let in your life, or letting them choose you to enter your life?”  There could not be more truth than this question right here.  Do not just let anyone that wants to be a part of your life enter it.  Be selective.  You decide who gets to be in your life, they do not get to decide that for you.  Once I started living by this principle my life improved.  I don’t let just anyone in.  I get to choose.

I started this blog to try to empower other women to take positive steps to improve their lives, love themselves, know they are not alone and never settle.  I get comments all the time especially on TikTok, that women do the same bad things men do.  Sure, they do, I already know that.  My response to them every time is “I am sure they do, but I do not experience it from that side.  I can only tell about my experiences.”

Someone I recently met asked my son “Is there anything I should know about your mom that she may not tell me herself?”  His response was “Nah, she don’t give a f*ck”.  I honestly love that response.  I love that my sons knows that I am real, honest, comfortable with myself and do not need validation from others to be a good person.  I hope he carries this on in his own life.

The one thing I know from personal experience is you will not find peace in yourself by hearing from someone else you need to.  You will not leave your toxic relationship until you are ready, no matter who tells you it is for the best.  You are the only one in charge of your life, your happiness, your peace and yourself love.

The important thing as always is to care for yourself.  Love yourself. Respect yourself.  Once you start these things you will be amazed at the beautiful people that will come into your life and love you for you.  Rely on your support system and trust that they really do want what is best for you.

Remember this quote “Know who you are. Know what you want.  Know what you deserve.  And don’t settle for less.”