Crazy: 1) Mentally deranged: 2) ­­Unpredictable, nonconforming

I am going to guess as a woman you have been called crazy at least once in your life, probably more than once.  So let’s define crazy.  Isn’t everyone “crazy” in their own way, or in someone else’s eyes?

In relationships women are referred to as “crazy” far too often.  So think about this the next time your partner calls you crazy.  Are you crazy or are you just reacting to the disrespect?  Are you reacting because you are saying things over and over and over again but nothing is changing?  Are you crazy or are their words just not lining up with their actions?  Are you crazy or are you just dealing with someone who doesn’t know how to give you what you deserve?

According to the definition of crazy isn’t the person refusing to address your concerns or change the one that is crazy.  Refusing to respect you, or make any changes that would make you more comfortable.  Is that not being nonconforming?  Words and actions not aligning, is this not being unpredictable?

In my past relationships, I have absolutely been accused of being crazy.  100% of the time when I was called crazy it was because of something the other person had done upset or bothered me.  Not one time was I accused of being crazy when I was conforming to what they wanted.  We all know especially in the time we live in now with all of the social media platforms, that insecurities are at all time high.  Cheating does not start out physically, or by meeting someone in person.  Cheating starts with a “like”, or simple “hey” online.  This is why relationships don’t last the way they used to. 

Ladies if you are uncomfortable with a “friendship” your partner has with another person, you are not crazy.  You are allowed to feel anyway you want to feel and no one can tell you not to feel that way.  Follow your instincts.  Gut instincts will never steer you wrong.  If it feels wrong, chances are it is wrong.  If you do not feel comfortable having a conversation with your partner about being uncomfortable with something, you are with the wrong person.  Men tend feel “controlled” if you have an issue with someone they are talking to.  Let me tell you the difference between being controlling and talking about your feelings.  If you are controlling someone you will tell them flat out they cannot speak to someone.  If you approach your partner and simply say that you are uncomfortable with them speaking to that person.  You are not trying to control them, you are talking about how it makes you feel.  No one, and I mean no one can tell you not to feel how you feel.

Never lose your voice.  Stand up for yourself and what makes you feel comfortable.  I am a very opinionated and bold woman.  I lost that for a long time.  I let a man break me down, and take my voice away.  Everything I asked for was too much.  If I was uncomfortable with a situation I was being too sensitive or insecure.  If I wanted to go do something he didn’t want to do, WE didn’t do it.  I was so busy conforming to make my relationship work and make him happy, I lost me.  I let things go that were completely disrespectful in order to keep the peace and keep my relationship together.  I literally walked on a floor filled with eggshells for too long.  Was I really the problem?  No!  I was just asking the wrong person.

It got to the point that I would sit in complete silence for hours every night in order to not get yelled at.  Because I was the crazy one, right?  I was so determined to keep the peace and not be “the problem”, that I lost myself completely.  I had no opinion anymore.  I didn’t feel comfortable having simple conversations, or asking simple questions because there was always backlash.  One night in particular we were sitting down to eat dinner.  My ex had just received a text that a shirt he ordered had come in.  We looked at the picture together, I told him it was nice and proceeded to ask a few questions.  Big mistake!  I simply asked, “What are those shirts for again?”  I was slapped in the face with a quick “I don’t know what the big deal is?  I ordered a shirt.  Why does it matter what it is for?”  At this point I went back to my silence.  Not worth the argument.

My counselor once told me, two good people can be in a relationship that doesn’t work.  It doesn’t make either one of them bad, just not compatible.  So if you are asking your partner for something that they cannot or will not offer you, yet telling you that you are crazy, no!  You are not crazy, you are just asking the wrong person.  If someone cannot even try to understand what you are asking for and give a little effort to make you comfortable, you are asking the wrong person.  If you do not feel like you cannot have an opinion, or feel that sitting in silence is better than trying to talk to your partner, you are with the wrong person.  There is someone out there that will do all the things you have continuously asked for with no issue.

I know I say this a lot, but it is important so I will say it again.  Love yourself!  You have to love yourself enough to not put up with less than you deserve.  I can tell you from personal experience what one person thinks is crazy, another will love about you.  At the end of the day, just be you.  In the transformation from Hot Mess to Goddess remind yourself of these three simple things: Never think you are asking for too much, Never settle for less, Never lose your voice.

One more quote I saw this week that goes along with being crazy.  When you think about a relationship ending you always assume one of them was crazy or toxic.  This is simply human nature.  Why would the relationship not work if one of them wasn’t crazy or toxic, right?  Wrong!  They just weren’t compatible.  Read and reread this quote the next time you feel like you are crazy, not good enough, or the toxic one in a relationship:  “Just remember we are all toxic.  Every human is capable of being toxic and has been at times.  The difference is some people have the desire to change and do better, while others ignore accountability and continue to be toxic.”