The definition of betrayal is “to violate someone’s trust or confidence”.  I am here to tell you that betrayal has to be one of the hardest things to overcome and deal with.  When you put time and energy into helping someone that you owe nothing and get turned on.  That shit hurts!

As some of you may have noticed I took almost a month-long sabbatical from my blog.  I started this blog to help others going through hard times to know they are not alone and that there is support out there.  Unfortunately, there are people out there that can try to take the good out of us.  I have been dealing with some things in my life and decided until I was able to work through these things was not able to help anyone else.

With that being said I am back and ready to embrace my inner goddess once again.  One thing about having a big heart and being empathetic is sometimes we just get tired.  Sometimes there are people in our lives that make us question ourselves and some that just do not want to see us succeed.  I took this last few weeks to work through the bull shit that has been brought into my life and remember who the fuck I am.  I am not going to let others change who I am.  So, all the haters can just keep watching because my journey here is not over.

Anyone that knows me on a personal level knows that I am always willing to help someone out.  Take people in when they need it most.  Will be the first to have someone’s back when they aren’t there to defend themselves and fight for those close to me more than they fight for themselves most times.  I tend to give more chances than are deserved.  Therefore, I suffer the feeling of betrayal probably more than anyone else ever could.  Not at the fault of anyone else but myself.  I have this crazy expectation that people will support me the same way I support them, and unfortunately not everyone is built that way.

Over the years I have taken in multiple kids that were friends of my kids.  Mostly ones that struggle with rejection from their own parents.  I treat them as my own always, support them, care for them, work through their life problems with them, cheer them on, talk about poor choices and try to teach them what unconditional love looks like.  This is something I love to do and watch these kids turn their lives around most of the time.  I am not their parent so there are some things I cannot do for them.  But with this has come some serious betrayals for me.

This goes for adults too.  I have befriended people that were so lonely in the world and had them turn their back on me.  I have gone through bouts where I want to just stop letting people in.  Stop helping people out when they need me, to protect myself from the hurt of betrayal later.  But you know what?  I am not going to stop being a good person because of bad people.  I am not going to turn into someone that I am not, or that I do not want to be.

I recently had a friend that I helped on so many levels.  One of them reconnecting him with his own kids he hadn’t talked to in over two years.  While this was a great turn in his life it created a lot of turmoil in my life.  Unfortunately, over time many events took place which resulted in me having to cut off all contact with this individual for my own peace.  This individual has gone to great lengths to continue to disrupt my life.  From creating fake social media accounts and phone numbers to contact me.  Even pretending to be other people reaching out to me about my blog.  Recruiting people to take pictures of me in public settings and send them to him.  I have gone through all the proper channels, blocking every time there is contact from a new profile or phone number, even a restraining order.  Nothing seems to deter him.  While many lies are being told about me, I do not bother to defend them.  At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of me, except me.  I do not need to defend myself to anyone.

One of my sons’ friends that I took in as my own.  Supported him through some really tough things.  Always had his back when he wasn’t there to defend himself.  Supported him in things he asked me to that his own mom wouldn’t, has now colluded with the individual I have a retraining order against.  This is a huge betrayal in my world.  This not only affects me now, but my son as well.  Not everyone is a good person with good intentions, and we just have to remember that.  We cannot change others actions but we are in control of our own.  I have chosen to remove this kid from all of my social media as well as to protect myself.  However, I did let him know that I still love and support him like my own kid.

Now how do we overcome this without being bitter or changing who we are as a person?  Well that one the jury is still out on.  I am working on this myself.  The only thing I know is that I have to remind myself of who I am and who I want to be.  There is not a person in this world that has the power to change me, but me.  I am not going to allow some bad apples to ruin the good that is in me. 

But let me also tell you that while this has been going on there have been a lot of positive things as well.  I recently took in another one of my sons’ friends.  His parents are going through a divorce and are not good at leaving the kids out of it.  I have supported him, cheered him on and helped him realize that focusing on our own actions is the most important.    In addition, my nephew was recently staying with me.  He was struggling with a lot of things in life as well.  He is now back home and seems to have a new outlook on life.  So, with every bad experience, there are more positive ones to outweigh the bad.

Everyone has experienced betrayal in their life.  No one situation is less traumatic than another.  Just try to be the best version of you that you can be.  Be patient with yourself when you are working through something and give yourself grace.  We are all human and all have feelings.  At the end of the day the only one we can rely on is ourselves.  If we don’t love and respect ourselves, that has to be the first thing we work on for a better life.  Luckily, I have worked hard on myself, I know who I am.  While betrayal still hurts, I know I did the best I could to help others.  I know everything I did was with good intentions.

If you have been the one to betray someone else at least recognize it and apologize.  No one is perfect and sometimes betrayal happens by accident but be a decent enough human to own it. 

For me I am going to continue to live my best life.  Full of gratitude and happiness.  Focus on the people that I care about no matter how they treat me.  Because that is who I want to be as a person.  I will continue to jump every hurdle thrown on the track in front of me.  I will continue to stand by my decisions and make the choices that are best for me in my life. 

Ladies… please do not let other people tear you down and destroy you.  Do not let others steal your joy.  When you are having a bad day, or something bad happens in your life, turn your focus to the good.  Putting your energy into the good in your life with change your outlook and bring you happiness again.  If you are confident in who you are nothing can bring you down.  Bad people will eventually burn down their own bridges.  Because you didn’t change who you were and focused solely on yourself you will not get caught in the fire.  Eventually the lies others tell about you and the truth come head-to-head.  The truth always wins.  It could be years down the road, patience and perseverance are key to becoming a full-on goddess.