What is the difference between love and respect? You can love someone without respecting them. You can respect someone without loving them. There is a huge difference between love and respect. Do the two go hand in hand? Yes. But I think what most people miss is that respect is what we really crave. How many of you have been in a relationship where you know the person loves you, but lacks the ability to respect you?
The definition of respect is: 1) a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements: 2) due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others.
The definition of love is: 1) an intense feeling of deep affection.
When you read the definitions, it is clear that respect is much more compound and deeper than love is. So, I think the important thing to ask yourself in whatever walk of life you are currently in… Are the people that love you also respecting you? Hearing someone say I Love You is great, don’t get me wrong. Especially when you know that they truly mean it from the bottom of their heart. But hearing the words without being respected takes the feel good away.
It never fails as I am preparing to get the next weeks blog ready, something always comes up in life that triggers what needs to be said. I never have to seek something to write about, the universe brings it to me naturally. I am going to open up about things that I don’t like to talk about, but it needs to be said.
In my life I have had many people tell me they love me. From family, friends, kids, and men. Many of those people even though I believe they truly did/do love me, they do not respect me. Do I think someone can cheat and still love the person they cheated on? Yes. Do I think someone can cheat and still respect the person they cheated on? No. Look at the number two definition of respect: due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others. Cheating goes against, at a minimum taking regard for the someone’s feeling and wishes.
Now I am going to segway a little. Let’s talk for a minute about domestic abuse. What is the first thing that came to your mind? Physical abuse I am going to assume. Let me tell you that abuse is just as damaging in the emotional and mental form. Is abusing anyone in any form respecting them? Absolutely not! Some food for thought, the mental and emotional damage that cheating, or being cheated on does to a person. Is cheating not abuse?
The definition of abuse: 2) treat (a person or an animal) with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly: 3) speak in an insulting and offensive way to or about (someone).
I have talked several times before about being careful with words and judging people. When you are in a relationship, degrading someone, tearing them down emotionally and making them feel unworthy is abuse. We all know that I am not a licensed professional, but when you look at the definitions of respect, love and abuse it seems pretty self-explanatory. While I am not discounting that physical abuse is awful. It is just talked about more than emotional or mental abuse. It is easy to prove that you are being physically abused. Mental or emotional abuse generally turns into a he said/she said situation where the victim is already too broken to withstand the attack that will come from the abuser if the victim chooses to speak up about it.
A list of things from not only my past relationships, but ones of my friends are as follows:
- Cheating
- Lying
- Blaming
- Degrading their physical appearance
- Hiding things
- Shaming
- Accusing
- Secluding someone from their loved ones
- Not sharing excitement in goals, or achievements
- Degrading someone in private and then praising them in public
- Entertaining other women
- Not standing up for you woman
I am just guessing that there a few women reading this and feeling a knot in the pit of their stomach. Now I am not saying that women are perfect but COME ON MEN! Do better! If you plan to love a woman you have to respect her too! This means not doing things that will hurt her. If you can’t do this leave her alone in peace. I am all about being open and honest, but there is a way to tactfully talk to someone without being abusive.
If you are in a relationship and your partner flat looks in the face and asks “What are we going to do about your stomach? We both know you have gained weight. Is it going to take surgery?” RUN! I mean it ladies, run as fast as you can. When a man degrades your body in this way, it is unacceptable in every way. There is nothing wrong with you or your body, there is something wrong with the man that feels it is okay to talk this way to you. When you are getting ready to go out for the night and your man insists you change your clothes for any reason. Just no! If you are comfortable in what you are wearing, wear it. Being accused of looking to fat in an outfit or dressing to “impress” other men is an insecurity of the man that is saying it. This includes putting makeup on or doing your hair. I do these things for me. Because I like them. But I have been accused several times of putting makeup on just to impress “other men”. In my experience most of the men that do this, will only do that in private. Then regardless of what you wear will tell everyone in public how stunning you look. We wouldn’t want anyone to know what they really think, or what they said to you in private.
Have you ever been really excited about something? Of course you have. Everyone has at some point in their life. Have you ever told someone one your fantastic news and been slapped in the face with a negative response? This is a terrible feeling. You want to travel abroad? You are super excited about it, then you tell your partner and get nothing but negativity back. You want to go back to school to better yourself for yourself? You tell your partner I’m thinking about going to back to school because you are passionate about a certain occupation. The response you receive is “Why the hell would you want to do that?” That is not love nor respect. They are completely dismissing something you want to do for you. You got a raise or promotion at work. Yes that is exciting and you should be excited! You tell your partner and their response is “Well I guess if your happy with that.” No the correct response is Congratulations! I am so happy for you! You worked hard for this! You deserved this! These are not hard things to say.
Ladies you deserve to be loved and respected by any partner you choose to have in your life. If they are not loving AND (key word and) respecting you, do yourself a favor. Love and respect yourself enough to leave. A woman wants to feel safe, secure, respected, and stood up for. We as women want to know that the man, we let down our walls for is going to protect us, have only eyes for us, and let the world know that we are their world. If a man is not providing all of these things, and I mean all of them, walk away. Never ever settle for less than you deserve. Be okay with providing everything you need and desire for yourself. If someone comes along and can add to this for you great! If they don’t add to your life in a positive way, you don’t need them in your life bringing you down.
It took me years to understand that I was lacking respect. The really sad part is I would have done anything to save some of these relationships. I begged and begged for couples counseling. Finally got into a couple’s counselor and he slept through the third session. At that point I should have realized the lack of respect. But by then I didn’t even respect myself. I let people (men specifically) disrespect me for far too long. I thought it was my job to make them happy and change to fit what they wanted me to be. Big time hot mess mode!
On your path from Hot Mess to Goddess. Be aware of the people you surround yourself with. Demand respect. Respect is not too much to ask for. Respect yourself enough to have boundaries and stick to them. Respect yourself enough to have standards and never settle for less. Respect yourself enough to be alone in peace before letting another person disrespect you.
If you are going through something I want to hear from you. My goal is supporting all women in all walks of life. Message me on social media or email me at [email protected].
2 responses to “Love vs. Respect”
You sound like your grandma, Mary Lou Pickering. She did not have the tech to give her thoughts voice. She knew this, but had to communicate it daily to us girls.
Awe! Thank you! I take sounding my grandma as a huge compliment, she was strong woman. I miss her terribly every day!